


Desperation Sakura

by justanothernobody



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, K-pop
Genre: (there's a pun in that tag but i won't tell you what it is lol), Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coughing, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mild Blood, also the title is dramatic and extra af but let's be chill abt it, anyways it's homin coz i am trash, i've requested ppl to write this for me yet i myself have never written one, like a shit ton of coughing, well i did but it wasn't homin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 08:54:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17485064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanothernobody/pseuds/justanothernobody
Summary: These flowers grow in my lungs just for you, so pray tell — why am I the one hurting?INDONESIAN VER :CHERRY BLOSSOMS ON A LONELY NIGHT





	Desperation Sakura

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Cherry Blossoms on A Lonely Night](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17449118) by [justanothernobody](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanothernobody/pseuds/justanothernobody). 



> Hey guys! I decided to translate my latest story as to make it readable for the rest of the world. Istg translating a fic is really weird... it's half trying to rely on google translate and half opening the dictionary every five seconds... Oh well. I tried my best to make this story as similar to its Indonesian counterpart, if you see any errors in my translation please inform me of them.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

Yunho steps foot into the cafe. He shoots the manager a smile as she moves to and fro picking up orders. She points to an empty table in a secluded corner — a perfect spot to give him the much needed privacy.

 

Once he is sat he checks his phone lazily — opening e-mails, replying to text messages, and et cetera. Fifteen minutes pass by before he hears the bell that signals a customer has entered ring.

 

_Otherworldly charming._

 

That’s the word that immediately pops into his head as  _he_  steps in.  _He_  is dressed casually that day. Long legs clad in a pair of jeans, a striped white shirt tucked stylishly into it, topped off with a backpack poised on one of his shoulders.

 

Now, dear readers, you might be wondering who is  _he_  that Yunho is thinking about.

 

Of course, it’s none other than the man 2 years his junior, his bandmate that Yunho has worked with for almost fifteen years.  _He_  also is the one whom Yunho’s world revolves around at from the very first time they met.

 

That’s correct.  _He_  is Shim Changmin. Simply put, Changmin is the one his heart has chosen. But sadly, Yunho isn’t whom his heart desires.

 

His chest feels tense, breathing starts getting difficult. Unwillingly, he eyes shift downwards. The hold he’s got on his phone loosens. The gadget is left lying ignored on the table. He coughs just seconds later. Yunho covers his mouth with a hand as he coughs. When he pulls the hand away there are a few petals of sakura laying innocently on it.

 

He laughs bitterly — if this news leaks out to the media that he, the invulnerable Jung Yunho, is suffering from a life-threatening disease, he guarantees South Korea will be sent into a national panic.

 

Hanahaki. That’s what he’s fighting against.

 

The condition happens due to the growth of a flowering plant in his lungs as an aftermath of unrequited love. At first Yunho is against the fact that he is sick. But time passes by his condition spirals downhill. That’s when he is forced to acknowledge it.

 

Since then Yunho has went to see a doctor to try and receive treatment. But his attempt turn out futile. The doctor claims no medicine can cure him of the Hanahaki. He has stated that surgery is his only bet, but Yunho can’t say yes whenever he remembers the consequences — all his feelings towards Changmin will be gone without a trace.

 

Call him an idiot if you’d like, after all, who else would want to endure such pain?

 

But Yunho can’t bear to do it, he can’t simply agree to the procedure.

 

If he decides to have the plant surgically removed from him it’ll also dispose him of the pent-up love for Changmin. The way his heart skips a beat when the younger lets Yunho hold his hand, his infectious smile, his sometimes shy quality — the small things that made him fall for Changmin will disappear just like that.

 

Thinking of it already has Yunho at unease, let alone if he actually proceeds with it. He’s of the opinion that it’s better to die because of love than to live without that. It’s childish to wish for it, but what is life without a little bit of hope in it?

 

He hurriedly shoves the petals into the one of his pockets. Yunho downs a few gulps of water to swallow the remaining petals already on the tip of his tongue. He smiles at Changmin after he is seated.

 

“Hi hyung. Have you ordered yet?”

 

“Ah, no. I was waiting for you so that we could order together.”

 

Changmin nods as he reads the menu that he holds. Once he makes up his mind, right on cue, a waiter comes to take their order.

 

“I’ll have an Americano and, Changmin?”

 

“A caramel macchiato for me. Oh, and french toast as well, please.”

 

It’s one of their rare meet-ups — they’ve been busy with their own schedules. So the time they arranged that day is filled with smooth-flowing conversation. Changmin’s laughter rings joyfully in his ear, Yunho’s heart fills to the brim with love.

 

And perhaps it’s overflowing with said emotion too. He feels petals rising up his throat and quickly excuses himself to the bathroom. When he arrives he spits up petals upon petals into the sink. He stares at the sakura. They’ve been increasing in number as of late. Yunho is quite sure it’s a bad sign.

 

Changmin is still waiting for him outside. Yunho hastily fixes his appearance as to look like everything was fine. And it proves to be foolproof, the younger man sees nothing out of place.

 

They spent a good 3 hours in that cafe. Yunho pays for their expenses by shoving his credit card first while saying, “Let hyung treat you.” It’s followed by him driving Changmin back to his apartment as he came with a taxi that day. He drops Changmin off at the lobby and drives his way back home.

 

 

_The start of his illness began in 2012. At the time what they have was fragile — fights became the norm as well as the sound of slamming doors and the quiet that accompanies._

 

_Yunho avoids him and Changmin does the same. But at times Yunho’s resolve crumbles and he apologises first. The moments when they aren’t at war with each other becomes the time he seeks out most. It’s where Changmin visibly cares for him as a sort of unsaid apology._

_He guesses that in that short while he has fallen in love with Changmin._

_But fate isn’t so kind. The start of Yunho’s sufferings began in 2013. The first petal that came out of him happened the night of his birthday. Changmin had quite suddenly hugged him and said, “Thank you for always being there for me.” After that Yunho finds breathing to grow hard, when he coughs out comes the pale pink petal._

_The months that follow witness everything taking a turn for the worse — even the simplest of things Changmin does make him fall in faster. As his love blossoms so do the flowers in his lungs. It grew rapidly and soon affected him physically. He weakens easily where many years ago this would be an impossible task._

_When the inevitable 2 years came to separate them Yunho tries to forget the love he’s kept. He drowns himself in military drills and physical training to hopefully rid himself of his damned feelings. His attempts prove to be fruitless, without fail he remembers his sweet Changmin. The climax of this was him hacking out copious petals on one night. He flushes down an alarming amount of them into the toilet bowl._

_That’s when he realises — his mind desperately wants to neglect, but his heart fights to recall every vivid detail there is about Changmin._

_If longing after him already has Yunho in pain, seeing Changmin after they’ve been discharged is terribly agonising. Yunho clearly remembers how every sakura petal he spat out feels like it’s scraping at the walls of his throat deep enough to bleed._

_By the end of it all Yunho can do is succumb to his condition and accept whatever is to come. In his mind he knows well that at this rate, he’s not going to be here for much longer. He isn't exactly sure how to feel about this realisation._

 

Yunho unlocks his phone once he gets back home. He presses in a series of familiar numbers on the screen. The dial tone rings before the person on the other end picks up.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Heechul-hyung... I don’t think I can do this anymore...”

 

The man on the other side must be confused. But could you blame him? What Yunho said previously sounds terribly ambiguous.

 

“What do you mean, Yunho-yah? I don’t quite understand.”

 

The answer Heechul receives comes in the form of depressed sigh and a whined out, “Hyung...”

 

“Is this about your condition?”

 

Yunho confirms it tiredly. Even his voice sounds hoarse. Heechul guesses something bad must’ve happened earlier that day — he takes pity on him.

 

“I told you this, didn’t I? Just tell Changmin about it.”

 

“But, hyung, if he doesn’t swing my way then that’s goodbye to my friendship and– and–”

 

Heechul smiles to himself. “Well... there’s no harm in trying, right Yunho?”

 

There’s a beat, then he hears the cracking voice of a cough repeatedly. It soon becomes the only sound that gets through the phone line. Worry comes to the older man.

 

“Yunho? You alright?”

 

No answer is vocalised. There’s only more and more coughing and Heechul panics.

 

“Yunho? Yunho? Say something, Yun!”

 

As fast as the noise had begun, it also ended quickly. Yunho’s vision started to blur, his head spun in circles. He loses his balance and falls onto his knees. He tries to stabilise his breathing — inhale, exhale, and repeat — but no matter how hard he tries it won’t work. His throat feels blocked up by the damn petals. He rasps out a terrifying lot of sakuras, some of them even whole flowers. There’s also a thin sheen of blood on the petals.

 

Pain prickles him intensely, he soon loses consciousness.

 

 

 

•••••

 

 

 

Yunho’s body lays unconscious on the hospital bed. His face is deathly pale, the IV drip connected to his right hand, even to breathe he needs the aid of an oxygen mask.

 

Truly, Changmin can’t bear to see Yunho in such condition. Even after he demands the doctor to tell him as to what Yunho’s condition is.

 

Yunho has fallen ill with Hanahaki.

 

“Hyung...”

 

Changmin takes a deep breath. His hand reaches out to Yunho’s and hold it tight. His fingers all interlock with Yunho’s. His beautiful eyes that show traces of tears looks at Yunho with so much sadness.

 

“Hyung, I’m sorry”

 

He drags his chair until the distance between it and the bed is nonexistent. Changmin lays his head on Yunho’s chest. He can feel his heart beat, this does a bit to calm him.

 

“Yunho-hyung, please don’t go.” The tears that have dried is now dripping down again. Fear, worry, and despair all flurry in Changmin’s mind. It only serves to make him sob louder.

 

“Don’t leave me without you, hyung...”

 

Before exhaustion forces him asleep, Changmin feels his hand being squeezed. Maybe it’s just his mind playing tricks on him, he desperately want to check if Yunho really did do it. Sadly, his eyes feel too heavy to open. He falls into slumber in said position.

 

 

Yunho wakes up the following noon. He wheezes awake and Changmin stops staring blankly at the wall. His attention directly goes to a confused Yunho.

 

Changmin exclaims, “Hyung!”

 

Yunho seems like he’s looking for answers so he goes on, “You fainted two days ago. Heechul-hyung was the one who found you. Just this morning the doctor removed your intubation.”

 

After he’s received an explanation he nods. Changmin’s hand grasps Yunho’s as he asks “Hyung, you’ve got Hanahaki, haven’t you?”

 

It’s a rhetorical question, Changmin knows. But he prays hard it isn’t true — that Yunho fainted because he was overworked and not due to the flowers blocking his airway. Yunho looks uncomfortable and promptly looks up at the ceiling.

 

A long while passes by before Changmin speaks up again, “It’s okay. The doctor says you can get surgery for it. You’ll be all fine again.”

 

Yunho shakes his head in disapproval. “You... won’t go through the procedure?” Changmin confirms.

 

“Hyung... please just do it. I don’t want to lose you, hyung. I love you so much...”

 

Changmin’s damp eyes glance at Yunho. He moves his gaze to the wall behind him to hide his crying. It’s the nth time today Changmin’s sobbed but somehow he can’t stop. He wishes Yunho would understand him. After all, the man has stayed beside him willingly for half his life. Losing him would be too much for Changmin — he doesn’t dare to even think of it.

 

When he looks at Yunho for some sort of response all Yunho replies with is, “I would really love to kiss you right now, but it’s rather difficult with my mask on.”

 

Changmin chokes on his spit at that statement. He can’t even make a witty comeback to it — part of him wants to be insanely relieved but the other wants to smack some sense into his head for hiding something so major from him. Changmin decides to tighten his grip on Yunho’s. He pulls their intertwined hands up to touch his cheek. Yunho’s warmth gives him some sort of calmness, like a confirmation that he’s still there beside him and it’s innately real.

 

Yunho‘s fingers gently wipe at the remaining tears spilling on his cheeks. As he goes, he tucks a sliver of his hair behind his ear. He then swipes his thumb on Changmin’s lower lip.

 

His eyes stay shut all while he does things to him, letting Yunho touch him and he savours the feeling. When his eyes come back open Yunho is staring at him. Changmin can only reply with a sweet smile. He comes closer to wrap his arms around Yunho.

 

“Don't ever hide things like these from me again. You hear me, hyung?”

 

Yunho's left arm holds Changmin's shoulders. They're in an awkward embrace, even if his back is starting to be sore he doesn't want to let go. He eventually pulls away after several long minutes.

 

“How are you even this unaware, huh? Was it not obvious enough that I liked you?”

 

Yunho laughs. “Well, don't they say 'love makes you blind'?” he says as he tries to lighten the mood.

 

Changmin beams at him. He takes the back of Yunho's hand and plants a small kiss on it. “For now that's all you get.”

 

 

 

Yunho is only allowed home after a week in the hospital. The doctor stated that the plant in his lungs has started to wither and its roots crumbling away. Changmin chooses to stay with his hyung until he has fully recovered.

 

“Hey, Changmin-ah.”

 

“Hm?”

 

You still owe me a kiss, remember?”

 

Changmin gives him a grin, one complete with his trademark mismatched eyes. He nears Yunho until his body is pressed against him and Changmin grows dizzy with want. He loops his arms on Yunho’s neck while the latter firmly holds his waist.

 

Yunho’s face grows close until they’re only inches away from each other. He seals their lips together, it’s a delicate touch filled with so much love and longing. It all feels—

 

_Perfect_.

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted on AFF under mp_2506


End file.
